Being "the other"

     I have limited travel experience. My only trips outside of the U.S. have been to Canada and South Africa. I'm not sure if it's because South Africa has a significant population of blonde white people, or what but I don't remember feeling discrimination there. Maybe it's because of the way the program was set up, or the fact that we stayed with so many different families and got to learn a bit of the language. I don't know.

    But here, in Cambodia, for really the first time in my life I have experienced what it's like to be treated differently just because of the way I look. I'm sure this has happened at other times to me over smaller matters, or without me realizing it. But here, it is so blatant and obvious, and difficult.

     Walking down the streets you get hounded with people calling after you wanting to know if you want a ride. "Tuk tuk, tuk tuk lady?" Over and over again. If you go by a shop, they start yelling at you "Hey lady, you want to buy something? You want a scarf? It's very nice. I give you a good price. Special discount just for you. Lady! Lady, just come inside. Have a look. Looking is free." Responses of "No thank you" are basically lost and you have to repeat yourself at least 10 times as they follow you down the street repeating the same thing over and over and over again.

      I have heard stories of young children (maybe around 8 or so) holding babies in their arms and coming up to you asking for milk, grabbing onto you and not letting go, saying please I just need milk for the baby. It's impossible to know if they are being honest or not. The fact that so many people tell the same stories makes me lean toward thinking that it's a hoax. But the money they get really does go to supporting their families. The problem is that a lot of parents know that they can use their cute kids as sources of income like that. So the kids won't be sent to school but instead will be sent to work begging for money all day long, because they know that tourists feel bad for kids who say they need money for school and food (even though school here is free).

      The worst part is when you actually do want to buy something. There are no prices on anything anywhere, which means that everything is negotiable. Unfortunately, this also means that I have no idea how much things are actually worth. However, after 6 weeks here it's safe to say that pretty much 99% of the time, the first price they tell me is about 3x the amount that I should actually be paying. I am a foreigner, which to everyone here means I have a ton of money to spend on random things.

      If they see that you have just bought a pair of sunglasses, they think that means you want 50 more pairs of sunglasses. Little kids who sell stuff at night come up to you with their pouty eyes and say, "you buy from them but you no buy from me? Not fair." To them, it seems perfectly reasonable for me to buy two copies of the exact same book because aparantly I have endless amounts of money and Americans love stuff.

      We try to explain to people that we are students, here on loaned money from the government, working for free, but that concept is lost. In Cambodia, if you have enough money to attend college, and law school, then you are very rich. We are seen as really well off. And I guess I can't argue with them. The fact that we had the flexability to travel to another country is huge, and I get it. But never in my life have I been looked at as a rich person, and treated differently because of it. We are given more leaway with people on things, a certain amount of respect. But it's crazy and it feels ridiculous. I eat noodles and rice for basically every meal because you can buy them on the street for less than a dollar. I am sharing a 10x15 room because it saves me about 2 dollars a day.

       In some ways I understand the mentality behind it all. If foreigners don't know the difference between what things cost, and they are willing to pay 3x as much for something, why not charge them that way? They won't know the difference and the extra money really can mean everything to some of these people.  But once you do know the difference, it's almost heartbreaking. To hear that the lady I go and get my breakfast from every morning is charging me twice as much, to be quoted 3 times as much everytime I go to the market. It hurts. I just want to be like everyone else. Yes, I am not from here, yes I can't speak the language. But no, I don't have an endless supply of money. no I can't afford to buy everything I want and do whatever I want. When things are expensive I have to say no to them. If I pay you 3 times as much for a t-shirt it means I sacrifice something else.

      It's incredibly frustrating to be seen as so different than everyone else. To know that people are schemeing against you to take as much as they can from you (regardless of whatever genuine need they may have for the money). It's exhausting. I'm so sick of being seen as a dollar sign, as a target, as different from everyone else.